Exploring Intimacy: Enhancing Emotional Connection and Cultivating Desire in Your Relationship
Have you ever wondered how to move from the friend zone to the sexy zone? Is flirting hard for you?
Here are some guaranteed ways to get your partner to feel more desire for you and to activate their brain to think in terms of romance instead of just friendship.
1. Ask questions!
This may seem intuitive but maybe it's hard to know what to ask. What questions build intimacy? Start with the basics: What do you like? What do you feel most passionate about in life? How do you spend your free time? What piques your interest in life? What do you consider to be your most significant life experience?
Then, over time, move on to questions that stimulate desire. For a man, you want to activate his visual brain. Ask him things like: what kind of clothes or lingerie on a woman turn him on? What does he like in the bedroom? What's his favorite body part on a woman? For a woman, activate the part of her brain that stimulates a sense of adventure, protection, safety and planning. Ask her: where her ideal date would be, where she imagines herself settling down, what her dream vacation is, where she might want to go with you. If you home in on how the opposite sex thinks about romance, you’ll have a better chance of making them see you in a more romantic light.
2. Listen and Reflect Back
A universal truth about humans is that we all want to feel seen and heard. If you can make a person feel that you are listening without a need to correct them or find a solution to their problem, you will instantly make them feel like you know, understand and accept them. You can do this most effectively by using a skill called reflective listening. It’s very simple: you repeat back the sentence they just said to you or summarize what they just said to you. This may sound over simplistic but it’s incredibly effective at making the other person feel like you are present and that you care. So, for example, your partner might say something like, “I really love Italian food”. And you might respond with, “You really like Italian food!”. And they might say, “Yeah, we should try that new place in town.” And you might say, “Sure, we can try that new place in town.” Voila! Reflective listening. It might feel a little awkward at first, but it is SHOCKINGLY effective. It’s a guaranteed way to make your partner feel good.
For a better understanding on this subject check out our blog on Breaking Down Barriers: Why Effective Communication Skills Are Essential for a Healthy Relationship.
3. Take the initiative to Make Plans
You must take initiative! You. Not the other.
Too many times, I watch couples- especially in both the early stages of romance, sit back and wait for the other to make a plan. This conveys a message that you don’t care enough about the other person to make an effort. It says either, “I don’t care about you” or “I’m too insecure to take a chance”. Neither of these things are attractive. We all want to feel special, desired, cared for and pursued. So go ahead and be the one who makes a restaurant reservation, plans a picnic, picks the movie to watch, or just asks for some quality time together. Be bold and ask! This is a fast way to activate your partners sense of feeling wanted.
be the one who makes a restaurant reservation, plans a picnic, picks the movie to watch, or just asks for some quality time together.
Intimacy:
Signs of intimacy issues:
Signs of intimacy issues can include avoiding physical or emotional closeness with a partner, feeling uncomfortable or anxious about intimacy, difficulty trusting or being vulnerable with a partner, or experiencing sexual dysfunction.
What if I fear intimacy?
We often hear these questions in our line of work: what causes intimacy fear? what are some of the signs of fear of intimacy and why do I crave intimacy but fear it? These questions are more common than you might think, but, don't worry, we are here to help.
Fearful intimacy is a condition where an individual desires intimacy in a relationship but is afraid of it at the same time. It can show up in different places, including emotional or physical closeness, vulnerability, and commitment. There are various causes of intimacy fear, such as past traumatic experiences, fear of rejection or abandonment, or the lack of trust in others. The signs of fear of intimacy may include avoiding intimacy, difficulty expressing emotions, pushing people away, or having trust issues. Often, individuals who crave intimacy (but fear it), may struggle with conflicting emotions, and may require professional help to address their fears and improve their relationships. It is essential to identify the root cause of intimacy fear so that it can be managed effectively and so you can develop healthy relationships with others.
What if there is no intimacy in my relationship?
If there is no intimacy in your relationship, it can be a source of frustration and dissatisfaction. Intimacy is an important part of a healthy relationship, and it can take many forms, including physical intimacy, emotional intimacy, and intellectual intimacy.
If you are experiencing a lack of intimacy in your relationship, have an open and honest conversation with your partner about your feelings and concerns. Ask the hard questions! Ideally, you can identify the root cause of the problem together and work towards a solution that works for both of you.
It's also important to remember that intimacy is not just about sex, but also about feeling close and connected to your partner in other ways. Try the steps above to see if it makes a difference in your life.
However, if you have tried to work on the issue together and are still not able to establish intimacy in your relationship, it may be a sign that the relationship is not fulfilling your needs and it may be time to re-evaluate it. Ultimately, the decision to stay in the relationship - or end it - is up to you, and it's important to prioritize your own well-being and happiness.